Good Weather!

After many weeks of seemingly incessant downpours and generally crappy weather, the sun has emerged! And not just the sun, the HEAT as well! Yesterday, it was around 64, which seems far hotter than it actually is when you’ve spent so many days freezing to death. Anyway, today, it’s supposed to reach 70, and I couldn’t be happier.

Personally, I thrive in good weather. My mood is uplifted, I think quicker, and I’m more active. Plus, everyone seems more alive. YAY SPRING!

All this awesome weather has got me thinking about my long awaited summer, and how I want to spend it. I know for certain we’re going to San Francisco for a bit, and possibly Oregon, but besides those events, I don’t really have anything on the agenda. I’m making it a goal to get into as much trouble as possible this summer, which may possibly liven things up a bit. 

Anyway, can’t pass up the sun now!   

Thoughts on my academic future…

I’ve never been an advocate of the whole “fuck the system” attitude. Lately, however, I’ve been finding myself hopelessly lost in deep thought concerning my academic future, and if catering to society’s expectations is what I want to do.
I know I sound like the typical “intellectual rebel,” but after thinking about it, I really don’t want to be society’s bitch. Let me elaborate:
The majority of one’s childhood is spent at school, in which the foundations of his future education are established. After he spends the first 14 years of his life slaving away for the sake of his academic future, he will likely attend college, in which he will spend thousands of dollars on classes. After college, he lands a time-consuming — yet financially providing — career. For the next 10 years, the majority of his life is devoted to his job. Although he gets the weekends off, his job still requires him to complete some company projects from home. Eventually, he settles down and gets married. After having 3 lovely children with his beautiful wife, he notices his paycheck doesn’t seem so…extensive. In the end, he ends up raising and supporting his 3 lovely children (so they can follow in their father’s footsteps), while providing for his lovely wife, while maintaining the same job he’s had his whole life, while living in a cosy, middle-class suburban household. And then he dies and his children do that exact same thing. And his children’s children do the exact same thing (except for his granddaughter, Sally, who became a sexually-compulsive heroin addict who eventually committed suicide because her uncle molested her at an early age…).

I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t want to live the typical American lifestyle. I don’t want to pay thousands of dollars for college, I don’t want to labor over seemingly pointless school work, and I don’t want to work for some dead-end job (like my father is doing). I know this all sounds painfully typical of someone my age, but the truth is, I don’t feel like I belong in this society. I wish there were shortcuts around it all (other than becoming a hopeless musician), and I’m sure there are.

To be honest, I don’t really know what career paths I wish to choose from, but I’m certain I’m not going to commit myself to some tedious, dead-end job. So far, starting an online business is probably my best bet. For the most part, I’d have maximum flexibility, and I’d be in control. Besides, I wouldn’t need a college education.
I’m not exactly sure where this is going. I’ve always entertained these thoughts, and I doubt my opinions will dramatically change in the future.
I do know one thing: College isn’t for me. Millions of people slave away in order to attend college. After that, they slave away in order to land a decent job, although most of them land some monotonous career anyway. Shortly after that, they move to a suburban neighborhood and raise a family*. I don’t want to live my life like that. I want to do something different.

Take into consideration that I’m not implying all Americans live this way. However, I’m sure an overwhelming percentage do.

One thing’s for certain: I’m not going to work my ass off so I can attend a college. I don’t have any desire to be a doctor, lawyer, clinical psychologist, physicist, or anything else that requires me to sell my soul and sanity to education or a career.

*NOTE: I’m not suggesting that raising a family is in anyway negative. Hell, I’ll probably end up doing the same thing.

Thoughts on high school relationships…

Some of my friends are wondering why I’m not in a real relationship with a girl. Well, to be quite honest, it’s because I’m gay. Just kidding.

I’ve thought of that myself. I love girls as does every teenage male — both physically and emotionally. However, I can’t see the point in starting a relationship with one at this point of my life.

Highschool relationships are pointless, to put it simply. Why invest time, energy, and emotions in something that won’t last more than a year (at the most)?  You invest all your emotions in one person, only to lose the person shortly after. Why even start a relationship if you know there’s going to be an emotion shit-fest when it’s over?? Just avoid it all together. 

“But Brian, my friend has been going out with this girl for 3 & 1/2 years, so your statement about them lasting only a year is false! lol”

The longer the HS relationship, the worse off you’re going to be. If your HS relationship has lasted more than 3 years, than it’s at it’s clingy stage. That is, you’ve been with that girl for so long you couldn’t possibly imagine breaking up with her. Well, my friend, it’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. HS relationships weren’t meant to last, and only a small handful of HS lovers actually have a lasting married relationship. The longer you stay with a girl, the more it’s going to hurt when you break up. Simple as that.

That’s why friends-with-benefits is a great idea. In theory, it should work. HS friendships last much longer than romantic ones. Therefore, if you form a strong friendship with a girl and leave out all that mushy “we’ll always be together” crap, and incorporate hugs, kisses, or sex (if you aren’t against premarital sex), then in theory, the relationship would last as long as a good friendship would, and you’d still get physical benefits of a romantic relationship.

“wOOt, Brian, I found a flaw in your logic! Friendships also end, and there’s emotional hurt in them as well!”

True. But haven’t you noticed that when two friends fight, they almost always get back together? With romantic relationships, a few screw-ups, a few rough moments, and the relationship is over. Friendships have a much better chance lasting than pure romantic HS relationships (and most are just PURE ROMANTIC FEELINGS etc).  

Of course, FWB relationships probably don’t work out, seeing as how the girl would eventually want to form a real romantic relationship after a while (they like the idea of commitments, even if they know deep down inside it ain’t gonna’ last more than a year). And then you’re stuck in the whole HS relationship thing. It’s better to just avoid HS relationships all together, maybe.     

God is dead to me.

I don’t usually like to talk about my life (especially the negative aspects of it — people judge you too quickly if you do), but since this blog receives practically no hits, I don’t have any issues discussing it. My parents don’t read this, so I don’t see why I can’t speak my mind. I usually don’t speak my mind with them, because I can predict exactly what they’re going to say. 

Anyway,  as of now, I have no emotional or spiritual connection God, or anything related to Him. Quite simply, I feel no guilt when I sin. For instance, if I robbed a store right now, got ridiculously high, and cussed my parents out, I really wouldn’t feel bad about it. Even if I engaged in compulsive masturbatory habits, I wouldn’t feel ashamed. I just don’t care anymore, and I don’t really know why. A few months ago, my dad confronted me about my disregard for “divine authority”, and stated that “my problems go way passed psychological” and that I was “spiritually dead.” Um, no shit.

It’s not that I don’t believe in God, or that I hate Him, I simply don’t care. Dad even went as far as to say that I was going to hell if I did not change my ways. I don’t disagree with him, I just don’t care. Obviously, I must not be comprehending the gravity of the situation. o_O

Frequent stops at confession, Mass, and various Catholic youth activities haven’t had an impact on me at all. I’m beginning to despise going to Catholic youth groups because I feel out of place. I just simply don’t fit in, mainly because they live their faith, and I don’t. 

Eh, it’s probably only a stage. I’m sure many people go through this.    

Personality traits I just can’t stand…

I’m a pretty sociable kid. I basically get along with everyone, and I don’t hold too many beefs.

However, there are a few types of personalities I just can’t stand. I try to give these people the benefit of the doubt, but it’s no use. Anyway, I’ve run across these types of people at one time or another, and I’ve made a couple categories:

The Playfully Violent Youth: These are the guys who punch you, smash you, tackle you, and violate you in an aggressive physical manner for no particular reason. At first, you think they’re just “being boys,” but then you realize that they’re using their playful attitude as an excuse to be violent. It’s like they’re trying to prove something by punching you full-force in the gut, or smashing your nuts. In the past, I would just smile and play along, but my recent irritability has forced me to lash back, resulting in a public display of profanity. On a side note, I do tell them to cut it out, but they don’t listen. Piss heads. Grow an IQ.   

The Social Anti-Social Types: I can’t help but feel sorry for these kids. I don’t really understand them completely, but they annoy the festering hell out of me nonetheless. These are the people who kind of follow you around at social events, and just look at you and smile (or sometimes they turn their head when you look at them). It’s like they want to be social, but they don’t know how to be. Every time you try to make conversation, they look at you like you’re crazy. It’s like everything you’re saying isn’t registering. Kind of creepy. It’s like, “Hey man, I know you don’t have any friends. I’m just trying to be a little nice, and you look at me like I’m crazy?” Every time I run in to these people, I have a gut feeling they have a “Top 100 People I Want to Kill Slowly” list hidden under their bed (and an IQ of at least 140).  

The Pseudo/semi-sociopath: I’ve only encountered these types of kids a couple times in my life. These are the kids that when you first meet them, you’re like, “Wow. This kid’s pretty cool!” They’re usually pretty charismatic, and they appear to be ultra-friendly (a little too friendly). As you continue to spend time with these people, you notice something just doesn’t feel right. The pseudo-sociopath pretends to like you, and even goes to the extent of lying to gain you’re trust. They may pretend to share your interests and/or opinions, and may even put you on a pedestal just to please your ego. Another thing that pisses me off about these types of people is that they’re pathological liars. They lie all the time, and 90% of the time, I know when some one’s lying. I spent a good amount of my childhood doing nothing but lying and making up random crap, so I know a BSer when I see one. I don’t know what these fools are after, but it’s apparent they just want to manipulate you (for fun?). One day, they’ll be your friend — the next day, they can’t stand you. If you ever run into one of these jokers, and you know they’re BSing you, just play along. They’ll notice you’re playing along, and they’ll get annoyed and irritated. Narcissistic, egocentric fakes (Oh wait, I am one! Oops! Just kidding).

The Over-Critical Jackasses: You can always find these people putting you down and insulting you for every minor mistake you make. They point out every insignificant flaw you have just because. These people are expert jackballs. It’s painfully apparent they’re insecure, which leaves more openings for you to retaliate. They diss on you and expect you to just laugh it off. Well, unfortunately, laughing it off gets boring, and you want to show them what it’s like to be constantly harassed. It’s not like you’re being mean for the sake of retaliation, you’re just showing them what it’s like to be picked on all the time. It’s purely for educational purposes.  These types of people consist of the following:

Fat girls: They are self-conscious, insecure, and depressed. They try to make themselves feel better by pretending they’re superior. If you point this out, I can guarantee they’ll shut up in a hurry (or cry, which is funnier).

Insecure girls in general: Even attractive girls (or average looking girls) are insecure, due to the the harassment they receive from their fat, self-loathing friends. These ones are usually not as annoying as their overweight peers, but annoying nonetheless. You can actually improve on their condition if you work hard enough on them (think positive!).  

Nerds: I’m a nerd. Well, at least I enjoy nerdish projects, usually related to the computer. If you ever saw me, you’d never guess I was even into computers, which usually works to my advantage. Unfortunately, there are those unlucky few who stand out like a sore thumb. Chances are, they’re insecure as well (I know, I’m really generalizing, but I have met teens like the ones I mentioned above at least 3 times). They also pick on you, just because you’re better looking, smarter (or not), and can kick their butt at everything they do.

Anyway, just a couple types of people who really put me on edge. For the record, I enjoy the company of almost anybody, so don’t think I’m picky.

You know I’m right.

     

    

            

  

I love judgemental people.

 People are so stupid and predictable*. It's a known fact that people judge. Some people judge because they think they have everything (or many things) figured out, and everyone judges because its a natural instinct. People judge you on how you dress, how you wear your hair, what kind of music you listen to, what kind of movies you watch, what kind of internet sites you read, what kind of games you play, what kind of sports you play, what kind of friends you hang out with, and your speech patterns (there is a million other things people judge you on, of course). Of course, just because people judge doesn't mean they are necessarily wrong…but most of the time they are.

Of course, some people judge a little more than the rest of us do. Some people believe they actually have the authority to judge other people. These people usually judge you within the first few minutes of observing you and automatically come to a conclusion. They leave little room for other possibilities. These people tend to be somewhat weak minded (in my opinion [after all, I'm intellectually superior to everyone ] ). Let's call these people "uber-judges." Many of these "uber-judges" come from isolated communities and/or environments, and many of these people are either religious or political in the true lockstep fashion (I probably didn't use 'lockstep' in the right way).

Personally, I can't stand these types of people, and I enjoy "messing" with them. For instance, if I know someone is an uber-judge (because I judged them), I sometimes might act a certain way to make them categorize me immediately, and then later completely destroy their perception of me. I know, it probably isn't fair of me, but I do it anyway cuz' I can't stand people who close their minds off to other possibilities.  

You know what, I think I love being judged. I think I'm going to pierce my lip (for real). That would be awesome. I'm sure a lot of my friends would think that's against my nature, but in reality, my nature is always changing (depending on what mood I'm in).    

*NOTE: I say so many people are stupid and predictable because you can act a certain way and someone automatically labels you (and rarely considers other possibilities).

I’m all happy now!

Okay, yesterday was a really weird day for me emotional wise. I began the day in an angry mood, and around noon, I hung with a couple of friends, which seemed to help.

Now I'm much gooder.