:)

Well, I’m in an exceptionally good mood today! It’s been a while since I’ve actually wanted to talk to other people.

Let’s see if it lasts.

Thoughts on high school relationships…

Some of my friends are wondering why I’m not in a real relationship with a girl. Well, to be quite honest, it’s because I’m gay. Just kidding.

I’ve thought of that myself. I love girls as does every teenage male — both physically and emotionally. However, I can’t see the point in starting a relationship with one at this point of my life.

Highschool relationships are pointless, to put it simply. Why invest time, energy, and emotions in something that won’t last more than a year (at the most)?  You invest all your emotions in one person, only to lose the person shortly after. Why even start a relationship if you know there’s going to be an emotion shit-fest when it’s over?? Just avoid it all together. 

“But Brian, my friend has been going out with this girl for 3 & 1/2 years, so your statement about them lasting only a year is false! lol”

The longer the HS relationship, the worse off you’re going to be. If your HS relationship has lasted more than 3 years, than it’s at it’s clingy stage. That is, you’ve been with that girl for so long you couldn’t possibly imagine breaking up with her. Well, my friend, it’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. HS relationships weren’t meant to last, and only a small handful of HS lovers actually have a lasting married relationship. The longer you stay with a girl, the more it’s going to hurt when you break up. Simple as that.

That’s why friends-with-benefits is a great idea. In theory, it should work. HS friendships last much longer than romantic ones. Therefore, if you form a strong friendship with a girl and leave out all that mushy “we’ll always be together” crap, and incorporate hugs, kisses, or sex (if you aren’t against premarital sex), then in theory, the relationship would last as long as a good friendship would, and you’d still get physical benefits of a romantic relationship.

“wOOt, Brian, I found a flaw in your logic! Friendships also end, and there’s emotional hurt in them as well!”

True. But haven’t you noticed that when two friends fight, they almost always get back together? With romantic relationships, a few screw-ups, a few rough moments, and the relationship is over. Friendships have a much better chance lasting than pure romantic HS relationships (and most are just PURE ROMANTIC FEELINGS etc).  

Of course, FWB relationships probably don’t work out, seeing as how the girl would eventually want to form a real romantic relationship after a while (they like the idea of commitments, even if they know deep down inside it ain’t gonna’ last more than a year). And then you’re stuck in the whole HS relationship thing. It’s better to just avoid HS relationships all together, maybe.     

God is dead to me.

I don’t usually like to talk about my life (especially the negative aspects of it — people judge you too quickly if you do), but since this blog receives practically no hits, I don’t have any issues discussing it. My parents don’t read this, so I don’t see why I can’t speak my mind. I usually don’t speak my mind with them, because I can predict exactly what they’re going to say. 

Anyway,  as of now, I have no emotional or spiritual connection God, or anything related to Him. Quite simply, I feel no guilt when I sin. For instance, if I robbed a store right now, got ridiculously high, and cussed my parents out, I really wouldn’t feel bad about it. Even if I engaged in compulsive masturbatory habits, I wouldn’t feel ashamed. I just don’t care anymore, and I don’t really know why. A few months ago, my dad confronted me about my disregard for “divine authority”, and stated that “my problems go way passed psychological” and that I was “spiritually dead.” Um, no shit.

It’s not that I don’t believe in God, or that I hate Him, I simply don’t care. Dad even went as far as to say that I was going to hell if I did not change my ways. I don’t disagree with him, I just don’t care. Obviously, I must not be comprehending the gravity of the situation. o_O

Frequent stops at confession, Mass, and various Catholic youth activities haven’t had an impact on me at all. I’m beginning to despise going to Catholic youth groups because I feel out of place. I just simply don’t fit in, mainly because they live their faith, and I don’t. 

Eh, it’s probably only a stage. I’m sure many people go through this.    

Me updates

My life is at an all time bore. In other words, I’ve spent minimal time with friends, I’ve gained weight (some ab-flab), and I’m grounded. Kind of. 

At least I’m not too depressed. Despite my shitty month I’ve been in a relatively good mood. Last month, a lot of drama occurred. I was constantly getting in fights with my parents, getting drunk, and just plain depressed. I became introverted, angry, and emotionally dead. I honestly didn’t care what happened to me. I was intentionally screwing up my life, and I don’t really know why.

Recently, I’ve been getting along with my parents. My relationship with them has always been of a love/hate nature, and as of now, it’s in it’s “love” faze.

More later. Too lazy to write.